Retired man tortured by fevered imaginings of how easy homeworker’s day is

A RETIREE is unable to rest because he is tormented by visions of homeworkers mocking him with their easy lives.

Norman Steele, aged 70, worked hard all his life only for the world to go insane and let people sit at home with their feet up on full pay, laughing at him.

He said: “46 years I was at that dairy. Started at the bottom and moved up to management but I was bloody well there when my shift started or I lost my job.

“And now, just because they’ve got laptops and wifi, these young ones think they can call lying in the garden working. Playing on their Donkey Kong machines is working? Social mediating with their friends is working? Rees-Mogg’s right to tell them to get back to the office.

“I know how it works. They answer one email then they’re binge-watching Netflix and rolling marijuana cigarettes. Or ten minutes on Zoom then they’re down the gym with Loose Women on top volume. By 3pm they’re having a beer in a hammock. Is that working?

“Next door but two supposedly works from home. Well I’ve seen her hanging washing out at 11am. So that proves the whole thing is a total failure and needs to be stopped. By the army if necessary.”

He added: “I’ve not been able to concentrate on my sudoku all day and I couldn’t enjoy Homes Under The Hammer. I had to have a few extra lunchtime single malts to take my mind off these skivers laughing at hardworking people like me.”

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