Woman desperate for Glastonbury to end so she can wank on about being at Glastonbury


A WOMAN at Glastonbury is counting down the seconds until the festival ends and she can start banging on about it to everyone. 

Lucy Parry, 24, hates live music, large crowds and camping, but decided to ‘do Glasto’ so she has a story to bore the f**k out of people with for the next decade. 

Parry said: “This is hell. The only music I like is Adele, so this is all shit. It’s a fiver for a bottle of water and everyone’s nasty and sweaty. I’m pretty sure a lot of them are on drugs. I have no idea how people can enjoy this sort of thing. 

“But even though I hate the festival, I’m going to absolutely love telling people I’ve done something trendy they’ve never done themselves. Plus, it’s ‘Glasto’! Anyone who isn’t a total loser has a story about ‘Glasto’, even if it’s worse than a South American prison.  

“I’m sure I can just grit my teeth and endure the next few days. Then as soon as I get home I can start awkwardly slotting Glastonbury into every conversation I have. That’s after I’ve had a shower and disinfected myself.

“I’ll be so excited to see people’s eyes glaze over when I tell them about the time I stood in a field and watched a band they’ve never heard of.

“When I finally make it to Saturday night, I’ll be able to take an incredibly distant, low-res picture of Sir Paul McCartney on stage. I’ll be showing that to people for years. 

“It’ll really come into its own when he dies, so fingers crossed.”



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